Thursday, April 2, 2009

And now the right

Sometime during the night, something happened to my right leg. It didn't hurt while I was laying down, it just felt weird. I ignored it. When morning came, I did my mobility self check where I wiggle all my limbs before sitting up. Everything moved and there was the usual numbness in my fingers and toes, so I prepared to hop out of bed. My left leg was hurting as usual, so when I went to get out of bed I led with my right foot allowing myself to gt my balance before shifting any weight onto my left leg. Today was different. As soon as my right foot touched the floor I felt an intense, sharp, burning pain shoot from sole to hip. It was probably the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. Since I only had one foot on the floor, I stubbled forward into the wall and caught myself on the window ledge before hitting my head. My poor wife, who was still sleeping, jumped up and rushed to my side. I was in so much pain and so disoriented that I couldn't even explain what was going on.

I've been really determined not to miss a lot of work, so I tried to make my way to the shower. That's when the real problem hit. Our current apartment has stairs from the main level of the house up to the bedroom. Before MS, I loved having the division. Now, those 5 steps have brought on a lot of pain (falling) and anxiety (fear of falling). When I got to the stairs this morning, I couldn't go down them. I stood there trying to balance myself on my throbbing left leg and my cane and knew I couldn't safely go down. Just looking at the stairs made my heart race, and I had to shuffle back into the bedroom to prevent a panick attack.

So, I'm standing next to the bed trying to catch my breath when Nilaja (my wife) looks at me and says, "OK, I'm gonna carry you down." All I could do was laugh. Though I don't doubt her strength, I am taller and heavier. There is no doubt in my mind that if she managed to lift me, we would both end up falling down the stairs. And probably not as gracefully as I could do alone. I opted to gingerly sit on the floor and scoot across the carpet and down the stairs.

I had to forego my morning shower because there was no way I could step into the tub and stand there the whole time. I got dressed and did my makeup at my desk, as usual. The next major event occurred when it was time to leave the apartment and navigate the steep flight of stairs at the front of the apartment. It probably wouldn't have been so difficult if I could figure out how to use my cane with my right leg. This is the first time I've ever had an injury on that side and even though I know how it should go, I couldn't make it work. I had the hardest time trying not to put any weight on my right leg while holding my cane on the right.
Being Thursday, I only had a half day of work and could get in to see my neurologist, Dr. Friedberg. He is such a great doctor and really makes me feel heard. I told him all about my pain and vision issues. The short episodes of blurry vision worry him, though he did not have a solution for that yet. He wants me to keep track of te episodes and trying to figure out if something is triggering them. Luckily, he thought I was ready to restart the nerve pain blocker. Thank goodness! I've already taken one in hopes of dulling this right leg pain and get back to walking.

Dr. Friedberg also made it very clear that he supports (maybe even suggests) I take some time off to rest. I declined his offer for disability paperwork, but after the episode on Tuesday and the episode today, I'm started to look at this more seriously. I honestly don't want to stop working, I don't even think I could handle sitting still for more than a day, but I am tired. I keep trying to rest up and recuperate, but it's impossible. Even if I only do the necessary daily tasks (taking a shower, cooking, trips to the restroom), by bedtime I can't see clearly or walk. I think I'm gonna try to tough it out until after we move and get resettled. Taking time off now won't give me a chnce to rest. I'll revisit this subject in May.

No comments:

Post a Comment