Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Decision Made

I just spent the last 20 minutes crying myself to sleep. It didn't work. That was the last straw. I can't take anymore suicidal thoughts. I can't take anymore flu-like symptoms. I can't stand the insomnia and constantly feeling sick to my stomach. There has to be something better than this.

Two months ago I was so happy, but now I don't have the energy to do anything. I'm not myself anymore. I used to put on makeup everyday, even if I didn't plan to leave the house. Now there are days when I don't even shower because I'm too depressed and I think, "Who cares?!" I can't take it anymore.

I did my final dose of Avonex last week. I can't put that stuff in my body anymore. I just can't. I would rather be in a wheel chair than feel the way I do now. There is no reason for me to feel the way I do and it has to stop.

I know I'm rambling, but I just reached my breaking point. I want my old self back. NOW.

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