Friday, February 19, 2010

It's Been a While

Hi. I know I haven't updated in a while, but I have a good reason. Actually, a dumb reason but it's the real reason.

See, last November I started thinking that I was making myself sick. I thought that the more I talked about MS and blogged about MS, the sicker I was gonna get. Yes, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm the kind of person who believes that I can manifest anything I want just by believing it and "speaking it into existence." So, I guess I figured that if I stopped talking about being sick then maybe I would start feeling better. And honestly it seemed to be working. I was feeling good and even walking without assistance. My symptoms were manageable and I even started working on some of the emotional aspects. Things were going so well, that I started applying for full time jobs and even had a job interview that I was excited about.

Of course January comes around and I had another friggin flare up. Another one. Another course of steroids, which meant another 3 weeks of stomach issues, and another month of insomnia. This was my third since diagnosis and fourth in 14 months. On the bright side, I caught it early and didn't need to stay in the hospital for a week, but I started the steroids less than a week before the second round of a job interview process (a different job than the December opportunity). The interview went horribly because I couldn't remember anything, I struggled with finding words, and I doubt I hid the fatigue and pain. I was pretty bummed about this, but I keep sending out applications and hoping to get interviews.

This has all left me fed up and stressed out. I don't think the interferons are working and my symptoms aren't being well managed. I just feel so sick and it's pretty hard to be confident when you are numb, tingling, and hurting. Oh, and to make things worse, we're moving again because our apartment has mold. I'm trying not to stress about it, but it's so gross and I can't wait to get to the new place. Hopefully, once we move things will stabilize and I can focus on the job hunt. (If anyone local knows of any full or part time work in Oakland, please let me know.)