I am FINALLY keeping food down on a consistent basis. Yes! I still have the nausea, but I can work through that. Now that I'm eating, I have enough energy to sit up for more than 10 minutes and I even spent most of the day sitting on the couch versus sleeping in the bed. But I'm not pushing my luck, for once. I'm fighting the urge to clean and organize the apartment. Instead, I'm resting. That's right, I am living amongst the chaos for the sake of my health and will not do any obsessive cleaning... until tomorrow. By then I'll have most of my energy back and can try to get into a routine again.
One of the things I always neglect when I get sick is my hydration. When I don't eat, I don't drink. I know I should, but I forget to go for water when I spend the day in bed. And to be fair, early in the week, I couldn't keep liquids down, so there wasn't anything sending me running for water. But now that I'm starting to feel better and eating, I'm so thirsty. In the past half hour I've downed two pints and I'm sure the next few days will see much of the same. I wonder if I should set a water alarm. I mean, I have alarms set for pills, injections, and, on bad days, food and bathroom breaks, maybe my memory needs that additional hydration reminder boost.
One of the few highlights of this week has been taking time to catch up on my Google Reader. At the beginning of the week I had 1000+(once you it 1000 they stop counting, but I'm estimating there were at least 1250 unread items) posts to read and I'm already under 400. I hadn't spent time reading since before the hospital visit and even though I made attempts to catch up before the wedding, not much was accomplished. So, I'm glad I'm getting through it all. So much happened in the past month and I was completely oblivious, but soon I'll be caught up and able to discuss current events soon.
Showing posts with label rest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rest. Show all posts
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
And now the right
Sometime during the night, something happened to my right leg. It didn't hurt while I was laying down, it just felt weird. I ignored it. When morning came, I did my mobility self check where I wiggle all my limbs before sitting up. Everything moved and there was the usual numbness in my fingers and toes, so I prepared to hop out of bed. My left leg was hurting as usual, so when I went to get out of bed I led with my right foot allowing myself to gt my balance before shifting any weight onto my left leg. Today was different. As soon as my right foot touched the floor I felt an intense, sharp, burning pain shoot from sole to hip. It was probably the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. Since I only had one foot on the floor, I stubbled forward into the wall and caught myself on the window ledge before hitting my head. My poor wife, who was still sleeping, jumped up and rushed to my side. I was in so much pain and so disoriented that I couldn't even explain what was going on.
I've been really determined not to miss a lot of work, so I tried to make my way to the shower. That's when the real problem hit. Our current apartment has stairs from the main level of the house up to the bedroom. Before MS, I loved having the division. Now, those 5 steps have brought on a lot of pain (falling) and anxiety (fear of falling). When I got to the stairs this morning, I couldn't go down them. I stood there trying to balance myself on my throbbing left leg and my cane and knew I couldn't safely go down. Just looking at the stairs made my heart race, and I had to shuffle back into the bedroom to prevent a panick attack.
So, I'm standing next to the bed trying to catch my breath when Nilaja (my wife) looks at me and says, "OK, I'm gonna carry you down." All I could do was laugh. Though I don't doubt her strength, I am taller and heavier. There is no doubt in my mind that if she managed to lift me, we would both end up falling down the stairs. And probably not as gracefully as I could do alone. I opted to gingerly sit on the floor and scoot across the carpet and down the stairs.
I had to forego my morning shower because there was no way I could step into the tub and stand there the whole time. I got dressed and did my makeup at my desk, as usual. The next major event occurred when it was time to leave the apartment and navigate the steep flight of stairs at the front of the apartment. It probably wouldn't have been so difficult if I could figure out how to use my cane with my right leg. This is the first time I've ever had an injury on that side and even though I know how it should go, I couldn't make it work. I had the hardest time trying not to put any weight on my right leg while holding my cane on the right.
Being Thursday, I only had a half day of work and could get in to see my neurologist, Dr. Friedberg. He is such a great doctor and really makes me feel heard. I told him all about my pain and vision issues. The short episodes of blurry vision worry him, though he did not have a solution for that yet. He wants me to keep track of te episodes and trying to figure out if something is triggering them. Luckily, he thought I was ready to restart the nerve pain blocker. Thank goodness! I've already taken one in hopes of dulling this right leg pain and get back to walking.
Dr. Friedberg also made it very clear that he supports (maybe even suggests) I take some time off to rest. I declined his offer for disability paperwork, but after the episode on Tuesday and the episode today, I'm started to look at this more seriously. I honestly don't want to stop working, I don't even think I could handle sitting still for more than a day, but I am tired. I keep trying to rest up and recuperate, but it's impossible. Even if I only do the necessary daily tasks (taking a shower, cooking, trips to the restroom), by bedtime I can't see clearly or walk. I think I'm gonna try to tough it out until after we move and get resettled. Taking time off now won't give me a chnce to rest. I'll revisit this subject in May.
I've been really determined not to miss a lot of work, so I tried to make my way to the shower. That's when the real problem hit. Our current apartment has stairs from the main level of the house up to the bedroom. Before MS, I loved having the division. Now, those 5 steps have brought on a lot of pain (falling) and anxiety (fear of falling). When I got to the stairs this morning, I couldn't go down them. I stood there trying to balance myself on my throbbing left leg and my cane and knew I couldn't safely go down. Just looking at the stairs made my heart race, and I had to shuffle back into the bedroom to prevent a panick attack.
So, I'm standing next to the bed trying to catch my breath when Nilaja (my wife) looks at me and says, "OK, I'm gonna carry you down." All I could do was laugh. Though I don't doubt her strength, I am taller and heavier. There is no doubt in my mind that if she managed to lift me, we would both end up falling down the stairs. And probably not as gracefully as I could do alone. I opted to gingerly sit on the floor and scoot across the carpet and down the stairs.
I had to forego my morning shower because there was no way I could step into the tub and stand there the whole time. I got dressed and did my makeup at my desk, as usual. The next major event occurred when it was time to leave the apartment and navigate the steep flight of stairs at the front of the apartment. It probably wouldn't have been so difficult if I could figure out how to use my cane with my right leg. This is the first time I've ever had an injury on that side and even though I know how it should go, I couldn't make it work. I had the hardest time trying not to put any weight on my right leg while holding my cane on the right.
Being Thursday, I only had a half day of work and could get in to see my neurologist, Dr. Friedberg. He is such a great doctor and really makes me feel heard. I told him all about my pain and vision issues. The short episodes of blurry vision worry him, though he did not have a solution for that yet. He wants me to keep track of te episodes and trying to figure out if something is triggering them. Luckily, he thought I was ready to restart the nerve pain blocker. Thank goodness! I've already taken one in hopes of dulling this right leg pain and get back to walking.
Dr. Friedberg also made it very clear that he supports (maybe even suggests) I take some time off to rest. I declined his offer for disability paperwork, but after the episode on Tuesday and the episode today, I'm started to look at this more seriously. I honestly don't want to stop working, I don't even think I could handle sitting still for more than a day, but I am tired. I keep trying to rest up and recuperate, but it's impossible. Even if I only do the necessary daily tasks (taking a shower, cooking, trips to the restroom), by bedtime I can't see clearly or walk. I think I'm gonna try to tough it out until after we move and get resettled. Taking time off now won't give me a chnce to rest. I'll revisit this subject in May.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Today is Not a Good Day
I'd planned to ease my way into symptom talk and not just spring it on people. I hoped that I could tell you about the good things and the "Aha" moments, before dumping all the depressing things in your lap. But today is not a good day and I can't pass up this opportunity to document how hard this disease can be.
It started last night around 9:30 pm. I was sitting on the couch watching American Idol when I felt a sharp pain in my left hand. It was so shocking that I audibly gasped and immediately felt a dull ache in my right jaw. I didn't have any other pain or fatigue just my hand and jaw, but I still panicked. I couldn't help it. Whenever these sudden pains start, they are just a warning of more to come. And there's nothing I can do about it. I starting to think this is why depression is such a major symptom of MS. You have a good day and then suddenly you are attacked by pain and fatigue, and if you're lucky it will only last a few hours or be cured by resting and cooling off. But I've already learned that once the pain hits it may not go away for days.
Which is where I am now, my left hand hurts so much I want to cut it off and my jaw pain is radiating into my head and making me nauseated. I'm tired and have chills. The usual neurological weirdness (leg pain, dizziness, brain rattling, vibration, numbness, and tingling) is on high. I should have stayed in bed today. But I didn't. I'm at work sitting at my desk. Accepting the pain and fatigue and making myself rest is my biggest hurdle. I keep telling myself that I need to go to work or I need to clean the house and I'll sleep on the weekend. However, once the weekend arrives, there's something else that I need to do or see or fix or watch. I never rest. It makes me feel lazy, though I expect that's common among people who spent their childhood trying to prove their worth. (That's a huge topic that I'll leave for the future.) So, I just push through it and I pay big time.
Thinking back on what I now know were flare-ups, they always occurred after times when I pushed myself. I would work so hard and wake up the next morning and not be able to dress myself. This is the lesson I need to learn. I can honestly and clearly acknowledge that I don't want to be paralyzed or permanently disabled in anyway, which means I need to stop suppressing my need for rest. I need to commit to it and allow myself to heal. I will do it. That is my promise to myself.
********
Oh wow, I just had an AHA moment. I was thinking about all my problems over the years and started thinking about my sudden and mysterious left eye vision loss. And I remembered the circumstances surrounding that event. It was a sudden loss, but I was also deeply involved in a major, life-changing project and at the same time, I needed to change my residence. I'd just move all of my things into my new place when it happened.
I need to rest.
It started last night around 9:30 pm. I was sitting on the couch watching American Idol when I felt a sharp pain in my left hand. It was so shocking that I audibly gasped and immediately felt a dull ache in my right jaw. I didn't have any other pain or fatigue just my hand and jaw, but I still panicked. I couldn't help it. Whenever these sudden pains start, they are just a warning of more to come. And there's nothing I can do about it. I starting to think this is why depression is such a major symptom of MS. You have a good day and then suddenly you are attacked by pain and fatigue, and if you're lucky it will only last a few hours or be cured by resting and cooling off. But I've already learned that once the pain hits it may not go away for days.
Which is where I am now, my left hand hurts so much I want to cut it off and my jaw pain is radiating into my head and making me nauseated. I'm tired and have chills. The usual neurological weirdness (leg pain, dizziness, brain rattling, vibration, numbness, and tingling) is on high. I should have stayed in bed today. But I didn't. I'm at work sitting at my desk. Accepting the pain and fatigue and making myself rest is my biggest hurdle. I keep telling myself that I need to go to work or I need to clean the house and I'll sleep on the weekend. However, once the weekend arrives, there's something else that I need to do or see or fix or watch. I never rest. It makes me feel lazy, though I expect that's common among people who spent their childhood trying to prove their worth. (That's a huge topic that I'll leave for the future.) So, I just push through it and I pay big time.
Thinking back on what I now know were flare-ups, they always occurred after times when I pushed myself. I would work so hard and wake up the next morning and not be able to dress myself. This is the lesson I need to learn. I can honestly and clearly acknowledge that I don't want to be paralyzed or permanently disabled in anyway, which means I need to stop suppressing my need for rest. I need to commit to it and allow myself to heal. I will do it. That is my promise to myself.
********
Oh wow, I just had an AHA moment. I was thinking about all my problems over the years and started thinking about my sudden and mysterious left eye vision loss. And I remembered the circumstances surrounding that event. It was a sudden loss, but I was also deeply involved in a major, life-changing project and at the same time, I needed to change my residence. I'd just move all of my things into my new place when it happened.
I need to rest.
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