I can't sleep. I knew this would happen. Since I was a kid I always had a lot of anxiety and none of that has changed. Now, instead of only having insomnia the night before Christmas or my birthday, I have it whenever anything mildly exciting or different is going to happen. So, I'm awake right now. I knew this was going to happen and I tried to avoid it. I spent the whole day cleaning and doing laundry in hopes of completely exhausting myself. I made sure I had dinner relatively early and gave myself plenty of time to unwind before lights out. On top of that, I took 2 ativan and crossed my fingers. It almost worked, but then I forgot one important thing, I didn't empty my bladder. As soon as I started to drift off, I got that feeling and having just changed the sheets, I did not want to chance making it through the night (which I would have done with ease a few months ago). As always, that short trip to the bathroom woke me up completely and I laid there another hour before giving up and coming to the couch.
While I'm here, I might as well tell you that I'm insanely nervous about the infusion tomorrow. I'm not sure why, but I am. I've been looking forward to it and hoping it restores my vision (which is pretty much gone in the right eye), but I guess I'm also worried that it's going to make me sick. I have my zantac and candies, I have a good friend taking me, and I have none of the risk factors for adverse reactions, but I'm still afraid of what may happen. Actually, I'm more worried that it's too late and my vision will never improve. That's what scares me the most. I'll adjust and learn to cope without my right eye, but I don't want to do that. I want both eyes (as much as I have of the left one anyway).
Well, I honestly want a lot of things, but this week I'll settle for my vision.