My stomach is messed up. Really really messed up. I can't stop puking and gagging. And even when something stays down, I spend HOURS completely nauseated and on the edge. You know what I mean? I have that feeling you get just before you puke -- watery eyes, lump in my throat, metallic taste --, but I don't puke. It's gotten so bad, that I've gagged up Pepto Bismol, the smell of food makes me gag, and now I'm afraid to eat. Good news: I don't have a fever. Bad news, I haven't lost my appetite. It's cruel really. I'm having all these cravings and if I think about the food too much, the gagging starts. I'm absolutely miserable.
Now I'm thinking that the hiatal hernia is getting worse. Did I mention that before? Well, while I was in the hospital, Dr. Cooper ordered an endoscopy to figure out why my stomach was reacting so violently to the steroids. The result was that I had a hiatal hernia, but I was told that it is small and a month or two on a few (three) stomach meds would alleviate the nausea and heal the hernia. Until the wedding day, I took the pills religiously. There's one I take 4 times a day, 1 hour before food or two hours after. The second has to be taken before eating, three times a day, so I take it with the first pill. The last one is easy peasy, I take it once a day with my vitamins. There were a couple days where I didn't get them all in, but something is better than nothing. And honestly, once or twice out of a month shouldn't have led to me being so ill.
So, I'm going to make an appointment with the gastro that did the endoscopy and try to figure out what's going on. I'm having a lot of anxiety around this because I don't want him to say that I need surgery and I really can't afford more care right now (I already owe him money). But I can't continue like this much longer. I'm currently force feeding myself chicken soup because I nearly passed out in the shower a little bit ago (a shower I wouldn't have needed if my MS wasn't also playing with my bladder control today). Hopefully, they can see me tomorrow or Friday.
In other news, I've decided that I need to start working again. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous after everything I've just written, but what I get from the state isn't enough to make ends meet. And honestly, the anxiety from all the debt and bill-worry is making me sicker than sitting behind a desk a few days a week. Plus, I think it will be good for my brain and general mood. Unfortunately, finding jobs is incredibly difficult right now and then when you add in my limited stamina and abilities, my options get pretty slim. But, I'm gonna stay positive and if anyone local has leads on part-time desk work or telecommuting jobs, please email me.