Today I slept until 10:22 am. OK, that's not entirely true. I actually ignored the 4:30 alarm and crawled out of bed at 4:54, just in time to get dressed and head to the fitness center with Nilaja. I don't think I mentioned that we are getting back into our morning workout routine. It's going pretty well and I'm even back on the treadmill. Defiantly of course, but to my credit, I am not pushing myself like I was before, I don't go on days when I haven't slept, and if I start feeling numb, overheated, dizzy, or light-headed I stop. (See, even I can overcome stubbornness.) After the half hour workout, Nilaja gets ready for work and I head back to bed with my ice water. I usually go back to sleep, but am up having breakfast by 9 am.
Today was different. When our alarms went off (we use separate alarms and mine goes off just seconds before Nilaja's), I didn't even open my eyes because I was exhausted. I don't even remember hearing Nilaja get out of bed. And then for some strange reason I woke up at 4:54, realized Nilaja hadn't left yet, and decided to ignore the fatigue. Sometimes I do the dumbest things. Doing the treadmill was harder today than it was the first time I tried after the hospital. My legs felt like they were made of lead, my head was foggy, and after only three minutes, the heat started. I thought about stopping, but I wasn't going very fast, the incline wasn't too bad, and my feet weren't numb. Stopping didn't feel justified. I made it through and headed to bed just as tired as I usually am.
And then I slept, and slept, and slept. On one of my rollovers I caught a glimpse of the clock and was shocked to see that it was after ten. I can't remember the last time I slept that late without having a fever. To make matters worse, it was 10:22 am and I wasn't awake enough to get up. I laid there for another 40 minutes before I was able to stand up. And the prize for standing, spasticity. My legs felt stiff and the muscles were so tight that I thought I would rip them if I stretch my legs. I had mild spasms in my calf muscles, but thankfully they went away after I moved around a bit.
I hate days like this. I'm too tired to move, but have to, and when I do it hurts. I managed to get some food around noon and I've only gotten up from the dining table once since then, to prep the vegetables for dinner. Days like today are great reminders that I need to do what I can when I can. I never know when my pain levels or fatigue will be higher, so I can't put things off. I also can't get too upset when my plans have to change. There will be time for chores and baking on another day. Today I'm going to sit at the dining room table, listening to music, and resting.
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