Thursday, August 20, 2009

Bad Day

I know it's only 7:39 am and I've been awake for 24 minutes, but I'm having a bad day. A really bad day. The kind of day where I'd take a sleeping pill right now to sleep the day away and another to get me through the evening until tomorrow. But I can't because I have my ultrasound today and I can't miss that. Though I want to miss it because I'm having a lot of anxiety about it. Yes, I know that it's non-invasive and I'll basically just lay there while it happens, but that doesn't alleviate my nerves. Along with the anxiety, I'm exhausted, I'm having sharp shooting pains all over my body, I have a headache, and I feel shaky. Oh, and my brain is moving really slowly. Every few seconds I find myself staring off into space and I can't focus. Ugh, I'll probably forget something and end up crying. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Why can't I just be "normal."


  1. I know those feelings exactly from the line about feeling exhausted all the wat to the very last word... only for a very different reason. I have been having some very bad days lately but I started reading some of your posts yesterday and I just wanted to thank you because you helped me remember that every day isn't going to be bad and I know that is something that I always need to try to remember. I always thought you seemed very wise when we were in high school... like you were so far beyond everyone else. You haven't changed. I'm praying for you.

  2. Anonymous, thank you so much for your comment. High school was really difficult for me and I often felt very invisible, so your comment warms my heart in so many ways. I honestly don't remember much of high school (except faces and names), but it's nice to hear from a classmate. If you're feeling brave, please email me to say hello (

    On the bad days it's challenging to stay positive and remember that sunshine is just on the other side of the clouds. I know that wholeheartedly and often don't remember it until I can see the light, so don't be down on yourself for falling into the bad moods and experiencing some hopelessness. The blessings are there, even in the muck.

    I'm here if you need to talk. Good luck.