This is getting really old.

I am so over this insomnia. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating this is. In the past week I have had two good nights of sleep (and didn't need Ativan at all) and every other night has been a struggle for sleep. I take a pill or two around 9 pm and then settle onto the bed to wind down. I watch a little tv for a bit and then it's lights out. Honestly, I feel sleepy until I turn my light off. It's as if my body thinks the darkness means time to get up and go. I know I'm backwards about a lot of things, but this is just too much for me. From the point that we turn the lights off, I am awake until 1 or 2 in the morning. So, when my alarm goes off at 4:30 for us to exercise, there's no way I can get up. I lay there until 7 when Nilaja leaves for work, and then I'm up for the day.

And you know, I would accept the insomnia if I could sleep all day long. I can't. I started off by not letting myself sleep all day because I thought that's why I can't sleep at night. But now I don't have to force myself to stay awake, it just happens. Remember how good I felt after taking those naps? Now I can't take a nap to save my life (this will be literal pretty soon). Lately, I've been trying to do chores or crafts, with the hope that I'll tire myself out and be able to sleep through the night. Obviously, that isn't happening.

So, now I'm feeling desperate. I need something to help me sleep ASAP. At this point I don't care if I sleep all day long, I just need to do something other than toss and turn for hours or sit on the couch watching Discovery Health until I start to dose off. And the worst part of it all is that I feel so tired and worn out. I'm sleepy and yawning, but when I go to lay down, I wake up. Why is this happening to me?