Back to the Neuro

I'm seeing my neurologist at 2:30 pm today. I was hoping to wake up feeling much better, but I didn't. My eye has not improved. And honestly, I'm terrified. When this all happened on the left, I was so busy working on Ugly Ducklings, preparing for knee surgery, and getting pumped for my last year of college, that I didn't notice until it was too late. As weird as it may sound, I wish I was busier so that I wouldn't have to feel it. You know what I mean? If this is going to happen, I would prefer not noticing every shock of pain and not feeling or seeing the weird cloudiness.

I'm also really pissed off about the whole thing. With all the hospital visits, weird symptoms, and my previous vision loss, you'd think someone would have figured it out. And I can't help thinking that if I'd gotten my diagnosis a few years ago, then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't be in my 20s and losing my vision or peeing through my clothes or falling down or any of this stuff. GAH!!! I'm just so frustrated.

But I can't live in the past and wish things had unfolded differently. I'm going to keep moving forward and try to get on my feet. More later after I see Dr. F.